{"id":102,"date":"2019-03-04T04:57:56","date_gmt":"2019-03-04T04:57:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/18.235.150.199\/?p=102"},"modified":"2024-07-26T01:12:55","modified_gmt":"2024-07-26T01:12:55","slug":"strive-for-mindfulness-over-perfection","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/laurenspeechtherapy.com\/index.php\/2019\/03\/04\/strive-for-mindfulness-over-perfection\/","title":{"rendered":"Strive for Mindfulness over Perfection!"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>You may have a long list of expectations for your child! A few may include:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Following instructions<\/li>\n<li>Sharing with others and taking turns<\/li>\n<li>Being Polite<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Parenting (or therapy for that matter!) is not programming a little person to always be perfect.&nbsp; Instead, adults can teach children how to <em>understand<\/em> and <em>enjoy<\/em> expected social frameworks.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>1. Following instructions:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>If you have a child who already follows most basic instructions without control battles, wonderful!&nbsp; You probably have a child who feels confident in their abilities, understands routine, and is motivated to please others.&nbsp; But what if you don\u2019t have a child who can follow instructions?<\/p>\n<p>Let&#8217;s think about how children learn to follow instructions.<\/p>\n<p>The first instruction a child usually follows is to \u2018throw in the trash\u2019.&nbsp; Why is this one of the first?<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Because the child watches the parents throw things away ALL OF THE TIME!<\/li>\n<li>Because the expectation is clear and quick; move an item from \u2018here\u2019 to \u2018there\u2019.<\/li>\n<li>Because it is imbedded into a routine (meal time, diaper changing).<\/li>\n<li>Because your child can quickly feel success! A confident, well-regulated, and well- informed child is typically EXCITED to help you.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>So how can you help your child follow instructions?<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Model doing what you eventually want your child to do, A LOT\n<ul>\n<li>Make sure your child is in a position to observe. This may include carrying your child, holding their hand, or keeping them seated near you.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>Set the environment for a clear and quick instruction.\n<ul>\n<li>If you ask your child to \u2018clean up\u2019, pick something simple and quick! Go for one misplaced toy instead of an entire game with multiple pieces.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>Imbed into a routine.\n<ul>\n<li>Songs and rituals are your friend! Create a routine around important goals before asking your child to help.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>Success over compliance\n<ul>\n<li>Motivate your child with a \u2018you can do it\u2019 attitude instead of \u2018you must do it because I said so\u2019. The more successful your child feels following an instruction today, the more they will want to continue helping tomorrow.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>2. Sharing with others and taking turns<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>If you have a child who shares and takes turns with others happily and independently, wonderful! You probably have a social child who has many positive memories sharing and playing with others. But what if you don\u2019t have a child who can share or take turns with others?<\/p>\n<p>The FIRST sharing or turn taking typically happens without toys.&nbsp; Children learn to take turns with social games, such as \u2018peek a boo\u2019 or \u2018chasing\u2019.&nbsp; A child will let go of his favorite dinosaur if he knows that his mom is going to use it to chase him around the room.&nbsp; A child will let go of her favorite blanket if she knows that her dad will use it for an enjoyable peek a boo game.<\/p>\n<p>So how can you help your child share and take turns?<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Introduce an enjoyable framework with a \u2018back and forth\u2019 model.\n<ul>\n<li>Examples: Hot potato, chase, hide and seek, passing\/throwing\/kicking<\/li>\n<li>Make sure that the child never completely \u2018loses\u2019 access to the item as it will come back to them<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>Create TRUST and JOY around sharing and turn taking\n<ul>\n<li>If you \u2018borrow\u2019 an item, give it back without demands!<\/li>\n<li>Make turn taking FUN and INTERACTIVE<\/li>\n<li>Try not to chastise your child for not wanting to share; they are still learning to develop trust and joy in partner activities that still seem uncertain to them<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>Success over compliance!\n<ul>\n<li>Again, motivate your child with a \u2018you can do it\u2019 attitude instead of \u2018you must do it because I said so\u2019. The more trust and joy your child feels when interacting in a turn taking or sharing routine, the more they will want to share again!<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>3. Being Polite<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>The title of this blog is \u2018mindfulness over perfection\u2019, which fits in perfectly when teaching your child to &#8216;be polite&#8217;. &nbsp;Let\u2019s focus on the REASON we are polite and not worry about enforcing the &#8216;rule&#8217; of saying &#8220;please&#8221; and &#8220;thank you&#8221;.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Model, Model, Model<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Show how saying \u2018please\u2019 to your spouse elicits a more positive response than a simple request. Model how you say your polite words with a change in your voice, facial expression, and body language. &nbsp;Model taking pride and joy in how polite and well-spoken you are.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>WHY<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Highlight WHY you are saying \u2018please\u2019 (Please! I know you are busy, but it would REALLY help me) and \u2018thank you\u2019 (Thank you! This meant so much to me!).<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Encourage and team up!<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Encourage your child to &#8216;be polite and well-spoken&#8217; like you are. &nbsp;Then, for extra emphasis, be a partner to your child and \u2018team\u2019 with them to make polite requests.&nbsp;You can say, \u201cDad has been busy recently, but I think tonight we can convince him to play with us. &nbsp;Let&#8217;s go up to him together and say, &#8216;PLEASE play with us!&#8217;. &nbsp;We have to make sure to say &#8216;please&#8217; so we can show him how much we care and I know he will appreciate us saying it so nicely.&#8221;<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Gently remind your child<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Child: \u201cI want a cookie\u201d.<\/p>\n<p>Parent: \u201cOh you want a cookie?&nbsp; Let me think if I should give you one.&nbsp; I do love it when you say, \u2018please\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Child: \u201cPLEASE can I have a cookie?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Parent: \u201cI like that you said \u2018please!\u2019&nbsp; That is very respectful. &nbsp;I will go get a cookie\u201d.<\/p>\n<p>Remember that the quality of our lessons and guidance are more important than the quantity of output, or &#8216;perfection&#8217;. &nbsp;Let&#8217;s teach our children how to LOVE achieving new goals!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>You may have a long list of expectations for your child! A few may include: Following instructions Sharing with others and taking turns Being Polite Parenting (or therapy for that matter!) is not programming a little person to always be perfect.&nbsp; Instead, adults can teach children how to understand and enjoy expected social frameworks. 1. [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":85,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[5,7],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/laurenspeechtherapy.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/102"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/laurenspeechtherapy.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/laurenspeechtherapy.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/laurenspeechtherapy.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/laurenspeechtherapy.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=102"}],"version-history":[{"count":14,"href":"https:\/\/laurenspeechtherapy.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/102\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3185,"href":"https:\/\/laurenspeechtherapy.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/102\/revisions\/3185"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/laurenspeechtherapy.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/85"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/laurenspeechtherapy.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=102"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/laurenspeechtherapy.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=102"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/laurenspeechtherapy.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=102"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}